BOOK REVIEW: Coming out of Shame; Transforming Gay and Lesbian Lives

By Laurie McConnell

Coming Out of Shame—Transforming Gay and Lesbian Lives, Gershen Kaufman, Ph.D. and Lev Raphael, Ph. D., Doubleday, 1996, 287 pages. Available for purchase online at Amazon.ca and for borrowing through the Church Library.

As we approach the gathering of the Anglican Synod in Canada in June, and review the World Anglican Communion’s dictum to the US Episcopal Church that it must pledge to end same-sex blessings and the ordaining of openly gay bishops by September 30, 2007 or risk incurring “conse-quences for the full participation of the church in the life of the communion”, the hard-won gains of St. Hilda’s congregation as a loving, accepting church may be coming under siege in the not too distant future.

As a parish of inclusiveness, now mid-way through our third year as a same-sex affirming church, operating in a diocese committed to the inclusion of the gay & lesbian community as a part of the Christian family, equal in the eyes of God, loved by Christ unconditionally, we are being asked to look deep into our hearts to the meaning of Christ’s message of love and acceptance—for all.

Coming Out of Shame offers us a powerful insight into the lives of some of our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, and what it means to grow up in a culture where being gays & lesbians is ‘something less than’ at best, evil and immoral at worst.

Gays and lesbians reading this book may see, hear, or feel themselves in the excerpted stories scattered throughout the impressively thorough exploration of what it is to be gay or lesbian in our culture today. However, there is much more to this book… all of us need to understand the dynamics of shame, how it cowers us, weakens our gifts to the world, and makes us inauthentic and mutely bound in our relationships with others.

Sexuality itself, regardless of orientation, continues to be a challenge in most modern organized religions. This book offers some clarity on how these disparities between what is sometimes preached by major religions and what is actually lived by the spiritual souls seeking within them has arisen, the power structures in which they are based, and the ways the disparity can be managed in a modern world so different from that of Biblical times.

Take a walk in the shoes of your gay brothers and lesbian sisters. Reflect on Christ’s message of love and deep understanding. Let’s celebrate the gift of each other, the gift of God’s light in each other, and commit ourselves to a continued community of inclusion. This is not a time to be going back, but of moving forward into the world, and bringing our entire family with us on the journey.

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